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Asses or assholes. Many Austrians would call people they don’t like a “schwuchtel” or “mongo”—slurs for gay and handicapped people, respectively. But these swears can be used for things as well, as Austrians feel things can be gay or handicapped, too. Obviously, Austrians are the worst and need to be told to fuck off. Or, as Austrians would say: “Geh scheißen!” (Go take a shit!) —Markus Lust DENMARK All serious Danish curses involve getting eaten by scary things. Things like “satanedme” (Satan eat me) and “kraftedme” (cancer eat me). Say some guy bumps into you, causing you to drop your book of H.C. Andersen fairy tales. To this you’d respond: “This is way too Satan eat me!” Then there’s a whole array of sad Danish excuses for curse words: translations of actual English curses, as featured in movie subtitles. These include gems like “skidespræller” (shit wriggler), “kors i røven” (a cross up the ass), and “røvbanan” (ass banana), and they are apparently the closest the Danish language gets to simple yet effective words like “fuck,” “shit,” and “douchebag.” This is real, and we need help. World, if you’re listening: Send us your far superior curse words. There are innocent Danish children in legitimate danger of thinking the actual Danish translation of Bruce Willis’s iconic Die Hard line “Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!” is “Thanks and goodbye, brother shit!” Please send help. —Alfred Maddox GREECE Greece and swearing just belong together. One of our most common words is “malakas,” which means “wanker” but is mostly used instead of “friend,” “bro,” or “dude.” A less friendly expression would be “shit on your grave,” which should not be used lightly, because Greeks can break out in fist fights over it. Another common curse is “better spend it on doctors,” which you’d use if you want

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A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand.Q: Why couldn't the Virgin Mary sleep?A: Because Jesus cries (christ).Q: Why did the sponge go to church?A: Because it was holy!Q: Why was Noah the best businessman in the Bible?A: He floated his stock while everybody else was being liquidated.Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?A: A roamin' Catholic!Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile.Hell yeah I'm a catholic i've been addicted to cats my whole lifeQ: What do you call Pope Benedict XVI after his last day? A: Ex Benedict. Q: Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?A: Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.Q: What do you call holy bread?A: Jesus Crust!Q: What happened when Moses had a headache? A: God gave him some tablets.If Eve sacrificed the human race for an apple, What would she do for a Klondike bar?Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.Working for the Lord, don't pay much, but the benefits are out of this world.Q: What do you call a detective from the reformation? A: Martin SleutherQ: What Kind of bird runs the church?A: A cardinal!Q: Why can't Anglicans play chess? A: Because they can't tell a Bishop from a Queen.Q: Why did the priest giggle?A: Mass hysteria!Q: What's a priest's favorite food?A: Holy cheeseQ: What's the difference between Adam and Eve and everyone else?A: Parents.Q: What did Moses said when he came down the mountain and saw people worshipping the golden calf?A: Holy cow!Q: Why don't you fart in church?A: Because you have to